four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize