A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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