I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize