Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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