mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
