Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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