and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
