they're staring at me
I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
These tits shall not be calmed