I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
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I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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