:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We named our party play list daddy issues
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
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Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
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I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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