Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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