...so i touched it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome