Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?