I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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