Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
