I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
