Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
