Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
