I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Let's paint friendship bongs
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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