Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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