OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
