Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
