Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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