I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
