We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
