just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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