my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
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I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
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In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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