Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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