we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
