Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
