I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
