my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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