Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
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She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
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You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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