I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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