Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
