I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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