Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
