You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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