I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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