never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
