Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
