I cockslap morals
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i think my cat just said my name.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
