Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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