Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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