And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I pour the whiskey from now on
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
