I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
