you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
