i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
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You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
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The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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