Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
