I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
