I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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