just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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