i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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