Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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