I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
