Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
