Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
