I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize