you win again, gameday.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
