the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
