my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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