people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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