sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
