Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Come share oat with me in your robe
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
