this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Michael Bay diarrhea
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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