Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
