He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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