i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
