I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.