My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Im part way to drunk.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
