Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do