guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
