Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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