this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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