I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
