feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
