i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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