hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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