remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
