I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I could make wine with my vomit
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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