I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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